HOW’S IT GOING EVERYONE?
If you think announcing this on my blog is going to make me stop well then…
THIS BLOG IS COMING AT YOU IN FOUR PARTS:
PART ONE: Gabe’s Obligatory New Year’s Resolution Post
I have a lot of irrational fears. I have so many irrational fears that I could probably start up a new blog with entries highlighting one fear each day and I’d have enough content to keep the blog going for years.
To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I’m going to list the first ten I can think of off of the top of my head:
1. maple syrup
2. paranoia that all of the meat I consume will be undercooked and I will contract e. coli
3. Needing to sit in the front row of a classroom to help combat my ADD but always terrified that when I pass handouts back to whoever is sitting behind me that he or she will grab the papers too quickly and I will get a paper cut.
4. Fran Drescher.
5. Dating and/or sexual/tender moments
6. walking through entrances at libraries and retail stores that have devices to prevent theft and having one of those devices set off an alarm even though I haven’t stolen anything/don’t have anything on me that would set off the devices.
7. having something accidentally (or even worse intentionally to sabotage me) placed on me or in my possession that sets off the devices that are placed near the entrances of libraries and retail stores to prevent theft and I get arrested and sent to jail.
8. becoming an adult that’s no longer in college.
9. correcting a superior or someone who is significantly older than me after he or she pronounces my last name wrong (especially if he or she is introducing me to another superior or someone who is significantly older than me).
10. receiving negative and/or mean feedback on my blog.
But this blog isn’t about the quantity of irrational fears I have… wait a second… yes it is… What I meant to say is that this particular blog post is all about one particular irrational fear: New Year’s resolutions.
I actually make New Year’s resolutions every year but they’re never really beneficial too me as a person or to society as a whole. For instance two years ago I resolved to read twenty-four books in a year and I succeeded (because over the summer I can usually ready two books a week so I always read about twenty-four books a year). This year I resolved (as a joke) to learn all of the dance moves from Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance video. And I was doing well, I was actually practicing small chunks of the choreography every day until I got near then end of the video and saw this:
But real New Year’s Resolutions that actually attempt to resolve, reform or change something about me never formulate into anything pasted a fleeting thought because a lot of my irrational fears stem from the unknown and changing and adapting to new things.
This year, I’d like to resolve to change that.
First New Year’s resolution: make a real New Year’s resolution.
Oh man, I’m already off to a great start!
I feel like a lot of the reasons why many typical New Year’s resolutions fail are because people forget that you’re supposed to take the entire year to implement new changes. A lot of people give up their goals in the first few months because they don’t see immediate results. I feel like if I set tentative dates around when I’d like to have a New Year’s resolution resolved by, I’ll be more inclined to keep at it.
I’m going to treat my New Year’s resolutions like I treated NaNoWriMo, even if I don’t make it to my goals, I’m a lot farther along than I would have been a year ago. I’m just going to try.
Second New Year’s Resolution: Manage my time better.
I am a major procrastinator. I wait until the absolute last minute to start working on projects and papers and assignments which means I usually don’t leave a lot of room to proof-read, edit or revise anything. This is definitely caused by my ADD and even though I can’t fix how my brain functions, I can at least try to work around it by scheduling my time, planning my days and keeping check lists.
Third New Year’s Resolution: Handle stress in a more positive manner.
Yes, I’ve had aggression issues all my life. After high school my anger problems became a lot less prevalent because of a switch in medication. I bet a lot of you didn’t even know that I have issues dealing with anger because I’m, for the most part, a pretty upbeat and nice person. Once again a lot of my high-strung emotions are related to my ADD. If I get interrupted by something while I’m trying to concentrate, I get very agitated. When I get stressed out I tend to lash out at people, especially my family. I’d like to be able to handle my emotions more constructively.
Fourth New Year’s Resolution: I want to beat all of Peggle.
Hey, this may seem like a stupid resolution, but it will force me to relax and eventually will help me manage my time better… after I beat the game.
Fifth New Year’s Resolution: Keep up with my shit on the internet.
The vlogbrother’s book list hasn’t been updated in months. I haven’t updated any of the pages on my blog since I pretty much moved into my apartment. I haven’t touched my librarything account since the summer. When I have a little free time, especially after I complete my fourth New Year’s resolution, I should be able to keep a better handle on this.
Alright. I have one more resolution. I’m actually really nervous about writing this goal down, it’s that big of an issue for me and it’s the largest and most out of proportion irrational fear that I have. It’s also the most important thing I have to do this year and it’s really stressing me out…
UGH I DON’T EVEN WANT TO WRITE ABOUT IT.
I got the highest grade in my Driver’s Ed course back in high school. I got my permit when I was seventeen. I used to drive my sister to school in the mornings but it really stressed me out. The thought of driving a car and not paying attention to the road because I have ADD and killing or hurting myself, or worse, hurting or killing someone else consumed my every thought. I am convinced, to this day, that I am not safe behind the wheel, not until I have full control over my attention span.
Unfortunately, like most teenagers and young adults I crave my independence but actually being behind the wheel of a car was torture for me. One time I got behind the wheel of my now ex-girlfriend’s car and I turned the key in the ignition and when the car started up I panicked and almost started crying. That was over a year ago and that was the last time that I got even remotely close to the driver’s side of a car.
It didn’t help that the driving lesson I took the day before my test (this is back in high school) was awful. The instructor would scream at me if I made a mistake and often referred to me as an idiot or stupid. He terrified me. The day of my test I broke down in the DMV and begged my mother to take me home. I didn’t want my license anymore.
I still don’t want my license. I still don’t want to drive.
But I have to.
I’m sick of depending on other people. I’m sick of people thinking I’m using them for rides. I’m tired of not being able to get to people in crisis because I can’t find someone with a car. I’m, in all likelihood, going to need to know how to drive for my future job. I have to learn how to drive, as much as I don’t want to, I need to.
This is going to be the most challenging of tasks to undertake this year and I’m very nervous about it.
This is really the only thing I need to do this year.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
So what are your New Year’s resolutions? Leave them in comments, we should work on our goals together!
PART TWO: WHO’S AT THE DOOR?
Who the hell could it be?
I have a future.
PART THREE: Gabe’s year in two-hundred and fifty words or less.
- came out to PRIDE and women’s studies classes
- family problems continue
- family problems continue
- prepares for the end of the semester
- bought my first chest binder
- came out to my dorm floor
- spring semester ends
- officially left UMV
- came out to my mother
- ended my three-year relationship
- birthday celebration
- cut my hair
- internship ended
- rabbit-sat for Wiley and Brigid while they house sat for someone else
- wrote “i saved you 2 cakez ut I eated it” parts i-iv
- participated in Blogust
- moved into my apartment
- the bullying epidemic makes national headlines
- BIORIO gets political
- Rhyan comes out to me
- meets Anita, the head of the local PFLAG chapter
- meets Steve, a local high school teacher
- begins working with local LGBTQA youth (on a regular basis)
PART FOUR: BIORIO in 2011
So what does 2011 hold for Gabe and BIORIO?
- complete my bachelor’s degree
- start graduate school
- keep blogging every day until August 8th
- begin pestering Wiley and Brigid for children, just to annoy them.
- make more friends!
- convince Natalie Portman to leave her fiance for me or convince Aimee to marry me
- only good things, I’m sure.
May the new year bring peace, prosperity, good health, and loving memories to you and your loved ones!
Happy New Year and I’ll see you all tomorrow.
(Don’t drink and drive)